well you can't waste a boner
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
