i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize