so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize