I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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