Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
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today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
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It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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