you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
