if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
