I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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