i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
