we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
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I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
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I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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