the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
