In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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