Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm really busy with my period
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