Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize