Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
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