I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
