Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
