Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
