jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
