better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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