My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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