be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
