i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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