You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
