i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
