i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
