Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
