OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize