Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  You feel like going out tonight?

  (1-212): View more from New York

  Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle

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  (212): You feel like going out tonight? (1-212): Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle http://tfl.nu/d3o1
  Replies (5) Good night (1093) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.

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  (215): Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating. http://tfl.nu/ef4v
  Replies (34) Good night (424) Bad night (4507) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!

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  (407): At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick! http://tfl.nu/dynw
  Replies (56) Good night (1184) Bad night (8986) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.

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  (360): I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina. http://tfl.nu/jli8
  Replies (55) Good night (1158) Bad night (9716) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.

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  (954): We're sending your burrito through the mail slot. http://tfl.nu/pddr
  Replies (4) Good night (3727) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go

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  (973): Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go http://tfl.nu/5ipt
  Replies (2) Good night (2820) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...

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  (845): That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot... http://tfl.nu/l2p1
  Replies (3) Good night (2055) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
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  (585): View more from New York

  they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too

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  (585): they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too http://tfl.nu/0m73
  Replies (6) Good night (3237) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off

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  (401): yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off http://tfl.nu/phv1
  Replies (2) Good night (1648) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
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  (661): View more from California

  I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?

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  (661): I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class? http://tfl.nu/dw55
  Replies (2) Good night (1302) Bad night (463) Order T-Shirt
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  (909): View more from California

  It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.

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  (909): It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer. http://tfl.nu/6a0i
  Replies (5) Good night (378) Bad night (1716) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises

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  (843): I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises http://tfl.nu/gq7h
  Replies (3) Good night (786) Bad night (367) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  You need a twittervention. You're better than this.

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  (978): You need a twittervention. You're better than this. http://tfl.nu/6sfs
  Replies (7) Good night (627) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.

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  (202): I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it. http://tfl.nu/il0a
  Replies (12) Good night (1005) Bad night (433)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...

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  (706): It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend... http://tfl.nu/nn4b
  Replies (6) Good night (1016) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt

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