I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
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we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
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It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.