i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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