i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.