Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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