Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here