there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance