Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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