and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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