I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..