at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare