I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.