I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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