I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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