Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
