Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
