Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
