turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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