I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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