I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My liver just had a heart attack.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You are a genius and a whore.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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