..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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