I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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