First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
