And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
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I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
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I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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