mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
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He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
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You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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