my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
