# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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