just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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