I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
