Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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