This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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