wakey wakey hands off snakey
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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