did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
