is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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