As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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