Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
