he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
