Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
